It has taken be a couple of days to compute what is now going to happen tomorrow. Just finished my last glass of water... about to start my fast. Surgery tomorrow to remove my right breast. Total mastectomy... harsh, even though the surgeon has discussed this from the start. He discussed it with an oncologist, who advised, as there was no evidence (apart from gut instinct and his experience) he should not do the chemo first. So the breast and sentinel node will be removed tomorrow - Friday 23rd April, just over 3 weeks from when I got the initial diagnosis.
I am scared... shit scared
This afternoon I was injected with radioactive material and dye to track and locate the sentinel node. I was then put on a machine for an hour or so, to trace it's path, and have the location drawn on my underarm... oh joy
Have spent most of last night and today setting up a facebook group for the girls... a few tears a few chuckles..
Telling a couple of my besties was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, so I chickened out and sent a text message. Kate has survived her own cancer battle, I didn't want to put this on her... but I needed them both, but I know if I talk to either of them my hard shell will crack, and brave suzi will melt and tears will flow, and I am scared they won't ever stop.
10 minutes til the fast begins...then 7 hours til I need to be at the hospital, then an hour til surgery...so in around 9 hours it will all be over..
Is there anything I could have done to prevent this?
I am being very very strong, for Michael, and Mum and the kids... but it is really hard. I am feeling empty, drained, hollow and did I mention scared.
I have my bags backed, and ready to go...
Fasting has started....
guess I'll see you on the flip side... I am feeling very light headed
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