don't know that I want it to start, but if it means it will be over soon let's get this party started.... and yet it means there will be pain and tears and much scariness...
I think it is starting to hit Mic... he was very grumpy with the kids tonight... for little things...
well.. the conference went really well, a bit tiring, but fun and kept my mind busy...
The hardest bit was telling the kids and mum and my brother and sisters... Mum took it really hard... bro was quite shaken, one sister was all tears, and the interstate sister and I were giggling on the phone.
The kids seemed to take it really well... funny I only have to ask them once now ;)to do things. Lots of cuddles, and Nat was giggling (ahhhh I see the nervous giggling didn't fall far from the tree.)
I should become an actress... the performances I am putting on are brilliant... trying to stay positive while people around me break into tears and crumble is really hard. Makes me feel awful about how I was always in tears when I spoke to Kate on the phone when she was dealing with her cancer...(and survived) I am glad I didn't go over, I would not have been very strong for her...and she is the one I really don't know how to tell...
Have told a few friends, face to face, and email... can't phone I will crack, gotta stay strong, there are so many cracking around me...it's easier.... academy award here I come.
Went back to work after the term break yesterday.... hmmm and after finding out the boss's wife is being treated for liver cancer... so poor Suzanne who is acting campus prin had to deal with me telling her my news... I wasn't sure how to tell the kids, but had to tell them something...
telling people made it really start to feel more real, told the people I needed to, and those who are close on the leadership team, and in the domain. It's going to be tough when people start offering condolences, to try and keep strong and put on the brave face.
Today was biopsy day, I investigated a bit about what would happen... and then I felt sick, was going to be painful, well big needles ick.
They had to look at some areas of concern on the left one before doing a stereo core biopsy on the right one.
Did the mammo on the left, then off to the next area, signed consent, consulted with the radiographer who would do the injecting.
It was like being on a car lift.... hehehe lay on the table with boob through the hole, table goes up, pictures taken, then when all set in comes the radiographer - two sets of anesthetic, then a core drilled into the ducts, guided by the pics taken and the computer analysis. Was a bit icky even with the anesthetic, not painful so much, more uncomfortable, and lying there for ages while they x-rayed the cells.
I ended up having the left breast biopsied on the same table, rather than with the ultrasound, as the mass could not be found with the ultrasound, even though it was clear on the mammo, and I was now able to feel it with all the poking and prodding. It was a different process, sounded like an ear piercing gun - anesthetic again, had my ipod in and was busy relaxing.
It was interesting, they kept trying to reassure me, that nothing was certain until the pathology came back - hehehe makes it easier for them not to tell patients the truth... during the second biopsy I mentioned the surgeon had already discussed mastectomy - then she let go, and basically stopped the whole, we don;t know til it comes back from pathology story.... yeah - it's cancer arghhhh
it's starting to be real and scary now.... Mic is crumbling a bit, of course today I really can't do much, not allowed to lift in case the incision splits open... the right is much more painful than the left, right up into my shoulder :(... guess it's going to get worse before it gets better.
Next step - Tuesday back at the surgeon... but before that, the rest of the school week - phew, got out an enews to staff today - races at Phillip Island on the weekend, and getting my classes organised so as to give them the best shot at the year.
Ahhh but the garden is looking ace
No comments:
Post a Comment