Ah what a weekend. Pitlane observer, gla

Ah what a weekend. Pitlane observer, glad it wasn't too taxing!

Last Chemo

Last chemo Placitaxol... drips in

Kate and me at the last one

I am ready to sleep any second now... but on a bit of a buzz with the chemo bit under the belt at last.... it's been a fast 6 months!!!

The weekly taxols have been having their toll on me... and I know I will be sleeping tomorrow... it seems to have been accumulative... and last week I had a neulasta to top it off I was in quite a fog of pain, with some very frightening chest pains...4 hourly panadol has been my best friend...but my neutrophils were great today so the neulasta did its job, and I was able to get all of the chemo treatments done with minimal SEs
so..... after 4 x 3 weekly FAC where I lost my hair but my nails were great.... then 12 x weekly taxols where I have felt the roller coaster getting faster and faster with less reality gap in the middle I can see the end in sight... my hair started growing back while on Taxol, but my nails all broke...and my veins are still doing well... amazing with all of the blood and infusions I have had with only one arm/hand to use.

Blood tests were done a few weeks ago for diabetes and cholesterol... onc was concerned about sugar levels... I guess fruit tingles do have a SE... but my fasting test was fine... but oops... eating ice cream and chocolate, and baking with butter has not been good for my cholesterol... so making a concerted effort to cut out these things and get a bit more exercise... walking half an hour each week... have lost a couple of kilos already... considering I put on about 15 kgs this is a very good thing... also looking to take up zumba, and hopefully some gym work.

On Monday I was marked up for my rads which will start on Nov 9th and go till the week before Christmas.. I am so glad DH has been holding my hand every step... he mentioned how many weeks I was getting on different bits... I had no recollection... he even knows the grade?? of the radiation...

Now I can try and get my head around a crazy weekend... starting with my sister's graduation, and a morning at the races on Friday... then the gtg on saturday... and back to the Shannon's on Sunday (they will have to make do without me on Saturday)

Hard week

Feel like I am getting on top... or at least managing the Taxol effects... the dex effects are still most annoying... the breakouts on my face really hurt, and seem to get worse each week... managing the pain in my muscles and bones with panadol regularly... trying to get some physical activity into my day.... have been walking most evenings with Michael...and trying to get on the wiifit most days... except when it hurts too much.
I was still very teary... hormonal? menopausal? just trying to deal? anyway I burst into tears again... when chatting to the Onc... wondering how will I know when it has all gone... after all, so much was there and not seen even with the scans... until it was cut out... and how much has gone through my lymph nodes into my body? I know the girls on the bulletin board are happy when there is no lymph node involvement, as that means the C has been contained within the breast.... so when it's cut out it is gone...once it goes to the lymph nodes... ughhhhhhh... anyway as a result I have a new prescription for anti anxiety/depression/hot flushes... not sure if it was that or the taxol that knocked me around from Thursday - Sunday, with Friday being my very sleepy day... but very light headed for most of the week... so feeling ok yesterday... and better today, but still a bit sleepy...and we start it all again tomorrow..second last... woo hooo
Not only have I put on excessive weight (15 kgs since May) but they were concerned about the sugar levels in one of my blood tests (apparently the charming dexamethasone can also cause diabetes..LOL... so last week I ended up having 3 blood tests...reg one on Monday, they pulled some blood to check ca levels etc after chemo on Wednesday... and then the fasting blood test on Friday and feeling very tired...no diabetes... sugar level is fine... however... for the first time ever my cholesterol is too high... shit shit shit
Now as to what has caused that... no surprises... having used chocolate as a comfort food... doing tons of baking with butter and chocolate... ok... it has given me a kick in the butt to stop feeling so sorry for myself...and do something about it...
so watching what I eat... and doing something physical each day... I am sure this will help my mental state too....
ahhhh next step is to organise the radiation therapy.... I think it was next week for the marking up... also looking to get some physio on my lympho arm... and guidance with exercises.... hoping I can start at gym and zumba soon....

Struggle time

I think that because I am physically coping with the chemo so far... only 2 more to go...my mind is letting me down... Don't get me wrong... it hurts and I feel like shit... tired... hormonal... my skin is red and covered in spots, I'm crabby and bitchy (menopausal)...bloated and have put on 16 kilos since May :(:(:( but I know there are others doing it a lot tougher and rougher.
At the start of this I was so pumped to not let this beat me back into depression (once was enough), I was sure it wouldn't happen... and yet, I can feel that familiar and uncomfortable teetering on the knife edge, looking at the abyss. And doing what I do to crawl into my little black box... leaving the phone to go flat, not answering, having "chat" turned off... not going out much unless I have to...and it is getting me down..
I haven't been posting here often, because it's too hard to get my head around... and I generally get some really good blog posts going through my head in the middle of the night as I lie awake.
Spent a lot of the weekend crying, usually at night, or when no one could see me... not because of the football, but because it was my birthday and my mind went to that dark place... wondering how many birthdays .... it wasn't consoling to be told the pain around my wound site is probably not mets... This week I asked the onc... how do I know, when will I know....and burst into tears... no I haven't been sleeping well... yes I am very emotional... I have tried to get some help from the GP and told to come back next week...so the onc prescribed some stuff for anxiety... and I hope this will help...mild dose initially... and we shall see...
Today the aches have set in... must take some more panadol shortly... and I am very sleepy... and it's our 22nd anniversary :)
grrr.... enough whinging for today

Feeling drained having had blood taken 3 times this week...