End of the week

So this I guess will become my new normal....pain, the shadow of a limited future hanging over me...and tiredness. But still I smile... I have been asked why.... Well why not? I can't change the cards I have been dealt....I can however play a bloody good hand...

The rads, I was told would cause a flare up of pain in the affected bones, and then the pain would cease....so I am going through that pain thing at the moment...and looking forward to the relief that is coming....

Right now though, I am sitting in the car, in the rain, watching my firstborn as he finishes his shift at work...and smiling. He is so clever, and sensible, and looking forward to the Presentation Ball next weekend, so am I .... He will be so handsome, and his partner...long term girlfriend, will be beautiful. I am making the most of every special event I have...trying not to cry over the ones I may miss...but that is a long way off... Staying positive folks....

Looking forward to Bikram in the morning.

Bikram Yoga and Pain Management

October last year I started doing Bikram Yoga, as a new place had opened just around the corner from home...yay...well I really enjoy yoga, and wanted to do a class, but had not done any Bikram (hot yoga) before, I love the heat, but wasn't sure I would enjoy the class, I went along with an open mind, and fairly well hydrated...I thought!

Wow, heavy, intense, amazing feeling....I was in love... It certainly wouldn't suit everyone, but I felt a good fit. Even though I am fairly flexible many of the poses were challenging, in a good way...it meant I wasn't just going along...I was having to really extend myself....I loved it.

So...we skip a few months, I continue with Bikram, once or twice a week, would love to do more...but am so tired when I get home from work, and I am doing zumba and Pilates mid-week...trying to get a run in, and family life...as well as work....love being able to go more frequently during the school holidays...and I am getting compliments on how fit and healthy I am looking....

I feel my balance is improving - I had a fall and rolled my ankle and strained my reconstructed knee, which is still annoying me, but the bone scan was ok, so it's just osteo arthritis, and ligament damage.

Told my onc the exercise I was doing, and he was happy that I continue with it.

When I started the radiation this time, I was told it wouldn't burn me as much as the last lot did, as that was targeted closer to the skin, so as long as there were no immediate skin issues Bikram should be fine.

What I have noticed is I don't NEED to take pain relief medication when I have done a Bikram session. So if I do a morning session, I may only need to take an endone before bed...I was able to get to two sessions during my treatment so far, and on both occasions I felt great afterwards. The weekend I wasn't able to make it I struggled with pain. And it's the same during the week when I can't make it.

I double checked with my rads onc this morning, and she was happy with how I was managing, I don't do all of the postures, there are some that put too much strain on my arm and hips, but others that work into those areas to provide relief.... Yesterday's session was a challenge with the diarrhoea hovering around, and minor period pain like issues... But I had a few extra rest sessions during the class, and was on top of things when I left. Today I have a headache hanging around, could be dehydration...more water needed stat! Of course more sinister things now hang around in the back of my mind....

Of course Bikram yoga is not for everyone, I have tried to find medical articles...but nothing out there is substantial one way or the other. As long as it feels good, has good effect in managing my pain I will continue... My awesome Bikram studio has given me a complimentary pass, so I can go as needed, which is really fantastic, as cost cutting would have seen this go first!

So hoping to keep going, and repair some of my injured body, revitalise and recharge. Have given up on the rosé hip vital, still going with the glucosamine....must get back to the physio about my knee....

One more radiation treatment tomorrow, then back to work....

Counting down to holidays! The rads should have their effect by then...woot...and more time for Bikram 

Rads...again

Ahhh back to the rads onc.... Many familiar faces, and new tatts...bugger, just dots to line me up.... So I couldn't use the line... Was just in Frankston and left with a tramp stamp...LOL

A dot on my pubic line, one on each hip and one on my inside elbow.

That was over a week ago...

Started the course of 5 radiation treatments last Wednesday. So far so good, although, I was warned the area in the pelvis could cause diarrhoea if it clipped the bowel, or intestine...which is did, as I found out today... Guess I won't be taking a coloxyl and senna tonight.

I have been keeping busy, presenting at conferences the past two weekends, and also playing at Sandown last weekend. I told the flag chiefs the situation...they were understandably upset, but were happy that I will want to take on more training responsibilities...

The conferences have been good... Yesterday was eLearning, and I had a full on day, found out one of my twitter friends who presents and is an inspiring educator is going through his own cancer battle with stage 4 melanoma... Fucking cancer just sucks!!!!

Last night I had to build up the guts to tell my mum and sisters, as my Queensland sister was down for the weekend...that was hard.... But hopefully it will calm down...Mum will be the hardest...we will keep her at a needs to know level!

My sisters rock... After being very upset last night they are back on top of things today...working through questions and clarifying things in their own minds.... Next is my brother...arghhh...he and his lovely wife are dealing with her mum's cancer...so that will be another needs to know thing...

Hehehe, I don't usually see myself in full flight, but this was shared on Twitter as I presented my speed sharing bits.... After just having presented two 45 minute workshops I was pretty whacked...

Wow....

I took my first end one last night....had the most wonderful pain free nights sleep...down side is I now know how much pain I am in....sort of puts it into perspective... Not game to drive with it yet....but just had tonight's, and about to head to bed.
Tonight's zumba was hard...the pain in my right hip/coccyx made things difficult.... I had been taking Panadol Osteo during the day, but not really touching it....
Managing the pain, quality of life....it's all a bit hard....but I am feeling upbeat about everything... I think perhaps because we are moving forward with treatment.

Plan of attack

Well I now have a plan of attack.... The onc was confused about the mets showing on the one scan I my hips, as I had a CT scan late last year on chest abdo and pelvis, and it showed no evidence of anything nasty...so he re-checked the bone scans....and agreed there was something there...but he has many patients who live long lives....even to 25 years...with bone mets...we just have to make sure it spreads no further.
He was concerned about the pain... So prescribed some endone, hehehe he had to call up to get authorisation as it's a narcotic....will see how we go with that, as the 6 hourly Panadol Osteo was barely touching the pain...although I had a couple of nurofen plus when I got home and that seems to be doing the trick at the moment. Will take some endone before bed.

Stopping Tamoxifen and starting Femara, which is an aromatase inhibitor;
Aromatase inhibitors are a class of drugs used in the treatment of breast cancer and ovarian cancer in postmenopausal women. AIs may also be used off-label to treat or prevent gynaecomastia in men. Aromatase is the enzyme that synthesizes estrogen. Wikipedia
I didn't think I was post menopausal....ahhh well... I am in a good place in my head at least!

And the Rads Onc will get back to me tomorrow with sorting out when we start radiation to the affected areas. The radiation is to reduce pain...the pain reduction is a big focus.... I guess that is all a part of maintaining quality of life... Which is the main part of staying alive and fighting this shit!

The other part of my treatment is the Denosumab, which is like spakfilla for the bones I guess..
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-treating-denosumab
This will be injected monthly...ahhh fun fun. Monthly trips to Cabrini begin on Thursday this week... I want to get started ASAP.

So that all made sense, it was what I was expecting...then home for the hardest part...telling the kids.
My babies made it easy for me...they are so grown up and mature...they took it in their stride... 
I focused on the fact that I would be getting treatment to help manage my pain, and it is a long term 
thing. 
I think keeping the discussions light, and the communication open is very important. We also mentioned letting school know, and that they may like to talk to a friend or counsellor.
So now I am on the path to kicking this bastard to the kerb...and aim for remission.

Connections up and down

You really start to rely on this tech stuff.... So when the modem is offline...panic fills the house....LOL...
Well I have helped my wonderful hubby to get some control, and start to know what to do when the tech stops working.... I am the tech nerd/geek in the house...apart from the kids...so I guided him in what needed to be done...ring the ISP...and then I went to Pilates.
He was on the phone with the tech when I got back...had been for an hour...but yeehaa we are reconnected....they still don't know what is causing the issues...ISP blames phone company and vice versa.
These are the little things I do that will be missed, so I am glad he has taken care of it. I have taught him to fish...instead of catching fish for him...

It's good when silly little things block all other thoughts....everything seems to ache, and I'm tired....have a long day at work tomorrow....but a half day on Friday... I am taking Panadol Osteo for the aches in my arm....every time I lift something it aches...so am quickly training myself to use my left arm. Hips are stiff, but not the degree of pain the arm is.... Hmmmmm Monday Monday