Bleagh

Time for a vent... Turn away now if you want a happy smiley read... This is not that

I feel like shit...

Fuck cancer... It took another of the ABC girls today...we had a running commentary from her daughter of the last few days... It was special to be privvy to her thoughts on this part of the journey, but it really does bring about the sad reality of the end for us... No thoughts of being 99 and passing in my sleep of old age fighting fit ...just old...it does make me angry....

Today the pain and tiredness added to my anger... I was snippy with the students and had to pull myself into check a few times...it's not their fault I feel like this... Maybe I do need to change the amount I work, or even stop completely ... But then what...just wait to die?

Said things I probably shouldn't today... I have to find my inner peace and not let this get to me so much... The pain in my hip is increasing...well probably more my sacrum.. And in my forearm, further to the wrist than the initial cancer in that arm...

I have a morphine patch...25 micrograms an hour, ibuprofen SR, and 8 paracetamol 2x4 - 6 hrs and endone when I get home.. Have had two and it has only just knocked the edge off the pain.... Everything is annoying me...I just want to cry and sleep... I have to put on a brave face for the family... So this is my vent...

Take this in hand... Must try to meditate... Find my inner peace ...relax ...easier said than done

Winter lurgies

Lips have been dry for over a week...been getting very dry throat and mouth...massive night sweats..jitters...tingly lips...slight dizziness... Was putting it down to new meds, pushing through it, walking 3km each night...

The 2 weeks holidays were good to me, felt revived,caught up with family, got creative...did no school work..oops...LOL...but felt good, if the weather had been better I would have gone for a ride!

Then back to work... Totally broke me...so exhausted each day...PD on Monday was ok, then just got more and more tired...crashing for a snooze each day as soon as I got home. Thursday was a whole day excursion into the city with year 9s... I had planned it, so couldn't call in sick, the drive in was excruciating...I was falling asleep at the wheel...got to the station, at least I didn't have to walk far...but I could hardly stand. I was snappy and not in a good headspace...

http://instagram.com/p/qiEKP8jSWf/

Chocolate cake for brekky definitely helped! Well for a bit...

Finished off the day with parent teacher interviews... My oldest in yr 12 is at least one thing I don't have to worry about...he is doing so well...making me a proud mumma.

Friday, while in the shower I realised it would be dangerous for both me and other road users...then I tried to talk to the family....no voice at all... Called work, set up my classes, had my medication and breakfast and was back in bed by 8am...thinking I would read or wake in an hour or so....next time I saw the clock it was 3:55pm and I was still tired. Got out of bed, so the kids would see me up, maintain normality....zonked but stayed up til 9.30... Then bed

Then a little sad today as the others left for the track...but got over that and slept til midday. Endone and paracetamol with lemon, porridge and tea, while chilling on the couch! Great pain in my hips and sit bones...tired beyond belief...jittery...looking forward to getting back to bed. But Dexter has been looking after me!

Today has been a good day

Report from scans shows no progress... Yay..

Got to see my regular onc... Yay

Got lots of stuff to deal with the pain...Yay

So off to bed, and I think I will sleep well....

Changing from femara to aromasin

So hopefully we will stay on track....

I even think I remembered to ask all the questions... Like the femara thing, and pain management...

Yay...even went for a walk...

It is a good day