I feel like shit...
Fuck cancer... It took another of the ABC girls today...we had a running commentary from her daughter of the last few days... It was special to be privvy to her thoughts on this part of the journey, but it really does bring about the sad reality of the end for us... No thoughts of being 99 and passing in my sleep of old age fighting fit ...just old...it does make me angry....
Today the pain and tiredness added to my anger... I was snippy with the students and had to pull myself into check a few times...it's not their fault I feel like this... Maybe I do need to change the amount I work, or even stop completely ... But then what...just wait to die?
Said things I probably shouldn't today... I have to find my inner peace and not let this get to me so much... The pain in my hip is increasing...well probably more my sacrum.. And in my forearm, further to the wrist than the initial cancer in that arm...
I have a morphine patch...25 micrograms an hour, ibuprofen SR, and 8 paracetamol 2x4 - 6 hrs and endone when I get home.. Have had two and it has only just knocked the edge off the pain.... Everything is annoying me...I just want to cry and sleep... I have to put on a brave face for the family... So this is my vent...
Take this in hand... Must try to meditate... Find my inner peace ...relax ...easier said than done
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