Friday

Ahh the weekend... I made it.... There were times this week I did wonder.... Nearly falling asleep driving home is not good...so very weary. I stopped wearing the fentanyl patch last week, and figured I could live with the pain if I wasn't so tired.... It didn't seem to make much difference.... I seem to go through waves of tiredness to extreme tiredness.... I even started to fall asleep at the theatre last week... It was hard work to stay awake...and I wanted to stay awake, the production of Wicked was wonderful... Made better being there with a few of my favourite people...

So...the pain killers have made it more tricky to get the "movement" balance right...it seems to go from one extreme...where I put on a kilo each day... To the other, where I can't be far from a toilet...arghhhh. But the weight loss is slower....I try to get through the tiredness to get out on the walks in the evening, which should help... But not as often as I would like....

Sadly another of the support group passed away this week...this disease is seriously fucked up... She wasn't even 40. So many of the women are in their 30s with young children... Arghhhh.

I am getting to the point where I have to think about the next step...changing the hours I work...still full time...but it is getting hard, I am tired and grumpy, I get home and fall asleep....I rely on Michael to do most of the cooking  and cleaning.... I am so whacked...

Time for those decisions later...next term...after the year 12s finish...yes I keep putting it off...if I do something, cut back on hours, it means I admit I'm sick, and I am not going to get better.... But then how do I want to spend my last years? Working for the man with all his stresses, or creating beautiful memories for my children friends and family?

This weekend sees some memories about to be created with my wonderful sister down in Melbourne, and the family getting together....

Patch is on....

The tough decisions can wait, at least for this weekend.

Rest in peace angels.