And just in time the new wig arrives

And just in time the new wig arrives

Starting to fall out by the handfull no

Starting to fall out by the handfull now, guess it won't be long now til it's all gone.

Icky oozy blah

Still think I am looking too healthy to be as sick as I apparently am... my scalp is definitely changing... the short cut is quite comfortable... and looks ok (well scarily I look like Judith Lucy LMAO)... curls hide a ton of sins... hair is still thick and healthy looking, but scalp is itchy and feels very dry... thinking about whipping up an aromatherapy oil mask thingy to soak my head in.

Leaking drain site is ok, after a bit of a panic yesterday with redness and discharge, rush to the surgeon to check, and all is draining nicely, no infection... Love Mic to bits, for his panicking, I guess he is feeling so helpless he wants to makes sure everything goes ok... so when there was the hint of redness around the wound, although I had no temp, he wanted me to get it checked... All the panic was because I have started chemo and the big warnings about being wary about developing any infections. My body must still be in control of itself pretty well, and although the surgeon agreed there were going to be lurgies in the drain site, I have been able to fend them off... go me. :)

Lost more weight... got on the wiifit this morning... did some yoga and stretches, wonder if that is assisting the ooze, freeing everything up anyway. Will have to get onto that more often. Wonder what other exercises have help people????

Taste wise is not too bad today... haven't even had any fruit tingles...but the cordial is going well... although flushing so much water through my system catches up at night...grrrr, at least it was only once last night.
Off to get the kids... I think they are loving that bit, that Mum gets to pick them up most days, pretty early - leaving them in after school care, trying to not disrupt their lives too much, and it means if I am not up to getting them Mic can get them a bit later, so not tied in.

what a week

What a week of total physical and emotional turmoil...
The getting the chemo part was not too bad, apart from the nurse yelling at me to relax... sheesh... like that will work... she was trying to use the vein which was recently used for the axilla clearance surgery... and the anesthetist was not too gentle on that one so she couldn't get it in... gave up and went for another vein....and I ended up feeling dripping down the end of my finger... Yeah I bled all over the floor. What a comedy of errors.... hope I don't get her again... I was nervous enough as it was, and she did not add to it. I think that is one of the reasons I was so giggly on the forums etc... it was still all very surreal, and the anti nausea stuff was working nicely.
I was so comfortable, when Mum picked me up from the hospital we headed over to Chaddy for a coffee. I kept up my medication, and was using fruit tingles to the max - they rock for keeping the nausea at bay.
The rest of the week was a whirl. weary, ct and bone scan on Friday. Weary.... too weary to even look at blogs or forums...
Icky metallic blood taste in my mouth and nose...
Went into the city for a geocaching flash mob on saturday morning... thought I was feeling ok... guess I figured out my limits and spent most of sunday in and out of snoozing on the couch.
Oh My sister came over on Saturday to chop my locks... I needed to do something before it falls out.
The drain site is still uncomfortable... been good with checking temps... no issues there... very weary.... bit headachy...
Made it down to get my weekly blood test today... and about to get the kids... then a snooze..
Haven't had any nausea drug for the past 2 days... apart from fruit tingles... and finally back on a regular track (hehehe)
Still feeling very vague... and very weary..... more later

Chemo round 1

Well so far so good. Had a few bleagh feelings and a bit teary in the middle of the night. Hope the drip comes out shortly and I can get in the shower and head home. Bit headachey but I have been reading without specs. Will add more when am on comp not phone

The Road to healing

Well... ya know I was feeling no pain, feeling fit and healthy and happy until they started to "fix" my cancer... and tomorrow we take the very scary step...the next step in healing, which will make me feel bleagh... Chemo.

Ahhh well first things first... my babies were wonderful to me over the weekend, particularly Sunday - Mother's day. Pity I was in so much pain. I think I knocked the drain bottle sutures, and I know one of my babies accidentally sat on it, pulling it again... so panadol wasn't doing it for me over the weekend.... and then Mic suggested I should cut down on the 4 hourly panadol... hmmmm easy for him to say huh.
I tried... and I cried... and it hurt... and I was miserable...I was tired, but I got out for a walk on Sunday... don't know if that made the owie worse...
I was getting the drain out Monday morning, so no point getting all drastic Sunday night.... Couldn't even stay up to watch Webber win in Spain...but that meant my back was over lying flat by 5.30am

Follow up appt with the surgeon to remove the drain went well... got my doctor's certificate..."when do I want to go back to work... hmmm I dunno"   and he discussed all the tricky bits...
Did the kids know... the nicest kids can go feral
Sex... take time, and intimacy will return... talk, and love and laugh...
Family and work stuff
Wigs... I will be bald pretty soon. etc etc etc
Brilliant... once the drain was taken out (Mic said it was in about 20cm... OMG, no wonder I couldn't move my arm) I had instant relief... still muscular aches around the shoulder from the axillary clearance, but no sharp pain any more... that alone put a spring in my step, the sun was shining....and off to the imaging place to get the gated blood pool scan.
Had a lovely guy, doing the blood taking... he was sooooo gentle, and would be doing the CT and Bone scan on Friday too. Did not feel a thing, he put in a bung thingy in my arm - gave me something, I had to wait half an hour, then he took my blood and added the radioactive stuff to it... had to wait another 15 minutes until he reinjected my live blood, and put me under the big camera to take pics of how it was travelling to my heart. This test is to see how much the chemo affects my heart... what fun.

Reading some blogs of cancer fighters.... the hair thing comes to mind... of course mine is looking fab at the moment..
Hair

but they reckon with this cancer I will lose it within a week... well... I have had a shaved head before.... time to break out the clippers before the drains get totally clogged up with my mop. I offered to let the kids cut it - how often would kids get that opportunity (well I read that on one of the inspirational blogs I have been reading) but they looked at me a bit confused.
We shall get there.....  and now, for a night's sleep without a drain to piss me off or hurt.... yay
Ohhh and have cut back on panadol already. Did some Pilates moves... thinking about getting some stuff to keep me regular... hospital seems to clog me up.

Field of Women at the MCG

Last night's MCG experience was exhausting and emotional...
I tried to hold back the tears, yet again, because I knew it would make it harder for Mic and Kirsty....but they flowed....
met up with survivors... and felt supported that I would not be walking this path alone...

Beautiful day today... went shopping with Mic... still getting tired really quickly. Will go for a walk this arvo... maybe set a geocache or two if I can organise it.

FoW 2010

FoW 2010

Field of women 2010

Field of women 2010

Over this

ughhhhh... how can I get a headache when I am taking panadol every 4 hours? and although it's lovely that people care about me... I just really need a day to myself to get this stuff together in my head - and clearly today is not the day.
Saw the medical oncologist yesterday , he seems really nice, but then the whole visit is a bit of a blur, much like the past 5 weeks have been. I had blood tests and am booked in for my first intensive chemo round next tuesday - staying overnight in hospital... that works, they have the good medicine.
I also have to make appointments for more scans and tests... I did wonder when they were coming - how far has this shit spread through my system???... I know I have other areas I would have been less surprised to find had cancer than my breast. I can't decipher the doctors scan request - ho hum - so I need to pop in (as I have no fax) to make the appointment... hopefully for Monday, they seemed to believe that was possible, and that I would be there most of the day - joy oh joy. At least I get my drain out in the morning... 9.00am, the kids will be happy with that :)
Can't rant for too long right now... the kids have a family week mass, and how cool we can actually make it, although Jack was concerned about my drain bottle, and that it should be well hidden, so no one could see it...Have that covered...
The we are off to the field of women at the MCG, and I will post some pics from there...
better get organised for today.

Axilla clearance

It's done. Feels more like deep muscle pain rather than surgery incision pain. The meds are doing their job. I notice the pain most when I do the creeping up the wall exercises. Looking forward to going home tomorrow and getting on the road to recovery. I know there will be lots of bumps, but I am feeling strong. And I have a brilliant support network.
The steristrips are off the mastectomy wound now. It looks amazingly good. Just have a waterproof pad over the part which was reopened to remove the rest of the lymph nodes. I am still waiting to wake up from this nightmare. Hmmm
It was nice not having the compression pads on my legs after this surgery, however, I have noticed the veins go my left leg popping out a bit. This is my reconstructed knee, the anesthetist from the mastectomy surgery was concerned about that clotting. It may have been because it was a more 'bloody' surgery than the axillary clearance. So keeping them raised. Will go for a walk with the kids later when they come to visit.
I am feeling calm and relaxed, I know I am in good hands, and need to keep my mind positive.
Got some booklets on wigs, chemo and radiotherapy. Can have some fun with the wigs.
For anyone reading this starting this journey (do you like how I am am expert after a month!) Get an iPod touch or he you have am iphone, there are some brilliant apps and Podcasts. I slept so well last night with the iRelax app. I plan to use this in chemo too. The guided meditation podcasts are brilliant for getting in to the right mental level for sleep.
Looking forward to seeing my babies later tonight. Mmmm dinner is here.

It's starting to sink in

I have cancer.... still apart from the pain from the surgery, do I feel any different to when I didn't know I had cancer... not really... although maybe it explains my lethargy (or maybe I am just really lazy...)
Tomorrow I have an axilla clearance, where they will be removing the rest of the lymph nodes (and checking to see how many more have cancer in them I guess). I have given up a bit of my initial finding out whatever I could about what is happening to me.... until my darling boy and my medical friend were filling me in on the lifelong changes which will occur after this surgery - easy to get infected, as there will be no lymph system to cleanse the blood... so tried to have another read up about it.... just trying not to scare Michael, but clearly he is reading up and already scared.... as am I.
Far out... it's my right arm... I can't imagine keeping it pristine and unscathed for the rest of my life... not getting scratches gardening, sewing, geocaching...(digging in the bush) that will take a lot of getting used to.
Surgery is early afternoon...going in the same incision as the mastectomy.... but drains will be in for a week.... yay - not... means I get to have drain tubes and bottles for the Field of Women on Friday.
scared....want to cry but can't...I don't feel brave I feel quite numb...
I posted the pictures of the lovely flowers I have been sent...looking for the beauty in life... the smiles on my kids faces... their hugs and love..
tomorrow will just be a glitch when I look back on it from the future

So much beauty in the world

So much beauty in the world