Feeling fake

Bleagh....
Well... Every now and then I feel like I am just home, and this whole thing is just nothing.... I mean I was really well and healthy when initially diagnosed, and apart from the run of the mill side effects, nausea, body aches, low blood counts, diarhea(sp)tiredness... chemo has been treating me not too bad...
Or so I think....and compared to others traveling this path not getting the violent reactions, at times I feel so fake, because I have no energy to move too much, just lie on the couch and watch foxtel, but I don't feel that "sick"! I keep being told to take it easy, and I do... To let people do things for me.... That is hard, when on the most part I feel ok. So I do little things around the house, and bigger ones on the days I have more energy. Going to weekly chemotherapy has made it a tighter schedule, with not as many energetic days.
And then it comes up and bitch slaps me, reminding me how sick I am!
We have just had a massive weekend, nothing I could avoided, or would have wanted to... And other things just kept piling on.
My sister came to visit me from Queensland and we went shopping on Friday with mum... Pretty exhausting, but worth it as I got some lovely new boots :) That night both sisters came over for dinner and catch up drinks, I had my first alcohol in months!!! Lovely gin and tonic! And when Mr 14 came in to say good ight at 8pm I knew a new element was being added to the busy weekend equation. He had a temp in the high 30's, getting close to 40c I tried to keep my distance, but as a mum that is soooo hard
Saturday I spent hemming trousers and jackets to be worn that evening, mr 14 was still running a temp, but was determined he was ok enough to go out with us in the evening!!! We had been invited to our motorsport club presentation night, with miss10 and mr 11 have been working with me in the race secretary's office. Will - fever boy, ended up being dropped at my mum's for the night. Jack and Nat were awarded Junior Clubpersons Of The Year. Big trophy and some little ones to keep!! They were so impressed with themselves...as was I- i did have a few tears well up, thinking about things best not thought about, more of that on Sunday too.
It was a long night....again I felt I was faking it, everyone commented on how well I looked, hehehe wig and all! I had pain across my back, but not different to muscle ache after a day at the races on a flag point!!
Sunday was the big day.... Mr 11's confirmation at St Patrick's Cathedral. He had to be there for photos around 1pm, so my sister and I took him in by train, with the rest following later.
I kept reminding myself to let others do things for me, even though I was doing ok, although a bit tired. Tears welled again, thinking those thoughts...would this be one of the last sacraments I see my kids doing? Would I see them get married??? Then try to get my mind back focussed on enjoying each day
We had it sorted so my sick boy and I got to travel back to mum's by car (separate ones). Mum had taken the whole dinner thing on with my sister's lending support.... It was a lovely night... We all ate too much, and laughed lots.
Sick boy's temp was heading downwards, and even though he still had a yucky sounding cough - he refused to stay home on Monday. It was hard as a mum not to wrap him in my cuddles, but I have to avoid illness!!
Monday I took it easy, didn't feel too bad, apart from tiredness. By Tuesday (today) little miss also had a high temp, and stayed home with me. I have felt crap all day, only eaten a banana during the day, when I had to have food with my dexamethasone, and a small serve of dinner... Spent a great deal of my day in the ensuite with diarrhea sorry TMI I know. I stayed in the top lounge, Nat in the back lounge... Both had foxtel, drinks and snoozes...
My bloods are good to go.... And I hope having taken my anti nausea tabs will assist my other issues...hehehe...so tomorrow is chemotherapy day, and after days like today, I realize I'm not faking it...I have just pushed things too hard over the weekend, and this is the result. Think I have avoided the kids sickness... We shall see
Taking it one day at a time