End of year

Hating not being able to celebrate... Not feeling part of the "team"... Over it at the moment.. Just want to be at home and hug my babies.
What kind of leadership team forces people to attend a function... And makes them pay for it... and punishes those who don't attend by giving them essentially detention... Lol
That's correct the bullies rule here! Argh

I fucking hate cancer

As well as taking my life, it is taking my career. When I was diagnosed with EBC in 2010 I was a leading teacher in a position I had worked hard to develop in a new school...I was committed, hard working, loved my job, was even thinking that assistant principal could be in my 5 year plan. I worked with colleagues at an international level, participated in delivering conference papers at national, state and subject based areas in the use of ICT in schools. I loved working hard with a great team! Even through my EBC I continued to work, encourage others to try new ways of teaching and learning... By the end of 2011 I my role in Teaching and Learning had changed from eLearning to Pedagogical Development. I was so excited to take on this new big challenge...

Then the walls started to crumble in 2012...new principal..and new assistant team... Who came in stripped my role back to ICT and added ICT management, which was never part of my role, and were generally rude and aggressive towards me. I am a team player, so took on the job, and got the technicians on track...they felt they had real leadership for the first time. Did my best teaching across campuses and developing Teaching and Learning strategies, trying to implement a coaching program with no support. On top of this they brought in someone else to develop the web presence I had been working on developing for 3 years....I was treated like I was insignificant and knew nothing. I was stressed and pained, and looking back this was when my cancer was spreading...as I was being spread thinly. I was hurting physically and mentally...didn't have a campus to call home, felt like I didn't have any support from colleagues... Then the principal decided we didn't need an eLearning position, as I had done what I needed to do.... Ummmmm....but...I tried to escape... Went for other positions...closer to home...I was so tired.. Could not work out why... I usually worked at night til 11 or 12 but I just couldn't anymore.

So 2013, teaching across 3 campuses, full load, stressed, other stuff going on at the school, things totally snowball...shit classes...year 10 boys who are just waiting to go to jail (ey have since been expelled from the senior campus) ... And BANG... Stage IV bone mets diagnosis... Fuck fuck fuck....

Put on my big girl pants, work through this... Look for positions closer to home... Nothing...

Bleagh...

2014 rolls on, and third base campus in 3 years, new program, new position as being an expert teacher you have to take on extra roles, working with Mentone girls, ohhh btw cancer has progressed, into sacrum and more where it had been in hips... More rads.... No more possible to hips now :( pain is being managed...

Classes are working well, feeling well supported at the little campus... I can do this...

Bang....Michael gets retrenched.... Arghhhhh I am the one who wants to stay home and bake cookies...can't do this yet!

He gets a job the next week...hates it...leaves

So playing the waiting game for the right job to come along!

Then I get sent a message that they will be putting up a new leading teacher position... Digital Technologies...the only thing different to my old leading teacher role? The name....and they want one of the other teachers to follow up on stuff he is doing in his classes with iTunes U... Ummmm...feeling totally out of the loop...hurt and angry....worst is I don't think I can even think about applying for it because I have this fucking cancer shit!!!! I know the principal hates me... So no going there... He has barely spoken to me since my dx!

I have had my fentanyl increased... I am teary, angry, and over that my plans have flown out the window... And still in pain!

If I wasn't so tired I would jump at this, but work life balance...

I'm angry that I am angry...

Got to find my inner peace so I can finish this year, and be happy with the life I have left to me.

Got to be the strong one

It has been a crazy busy weekend, Friday evening my eldest's Year 12 Graduation mass and dinner, Saturday afternoon at a friend's clothes shopping party, and Sunday my 2nd son's 16th birthday, with a picnic in the park.

On Friday I had a few things playing on my mind, it was day 3 of my patch, so I was feeling some pain in my hips and a couple of the girls I chat with on the ABC forum are coming to their end. I have met one of them a few times face to face, and she always looks so bright and bubbly, and has been told 2-3 weeks. And, of course, all I could think of when I looked at the boys so handsome in their suits, hubby and son, and that they would probably wear them at my funeral... So I was a bit down... When hubby asked what was up I stupidly told him... Forgetting that I have to be the strong one all the time... He walked away... I just wanted a hug... Grrrrr.... We are ok now, but I know I can only let go here...or with the ABC girls. I thought after I was able to hug him when he had his melt down on daffodil day, that he would hug me, and we could cry together... That really hurt... It is really hard keeping things locked in. Thank goodness for the forums.

Hoping to get back to Bikram soon, the head as well as the body needs it!

Good days....

Good days.... It's really nice to string a few together...last weekend I was sector 8, leading my little team on what turned out to be  a very quiet V8 Supercars event!
Couldn't manage the 3 days, but 2 worked well for me...still crazy tired though!
Today I finally get a chance to put finger to touchscreen and tap out some thoughts!
Sitting outside the kids school, waiting for Will to finish his final VCE exam.
They are looking after me at school too, which is nice..so getting time to finish off things.
And the sun is shining, it's a beautiful day.

Day 2

What does someone who has metastatic breast cancer look like? 

Some look absolutely normal....like me

October

October for me is: birthdays, anniversary, springtime, daylight savings and Breast Cancer Awareness month. 
I am sure most of you are aware that you need to check your boobies... Man bobbies too...every month and get any CHANGES checked. This doesn't just mean lumps, but any changes.... I didn't have any lumps, I thought it was just hormonal swelling and a blocked milk duct after having breast fed 3 children...it wasn't... It was cancer, and in 2010 I lost one of the girls. It had also spread to my lymph nodes. As well as DCIS I had 7 invasive tumours which did not even show up on the mammogram, ultrasound and stereo core biopsy. I did everything I was supposed to do... 6 months of chemo and over 30 doses of radiation to try and make sure I got rid of the sucker.
4 years ago I was bald and the chemo made me even fatter... Today I am living each day...you only get one chance at this, make each day count.

Triggers

Last Friday my rock had a melt down.... I felt like every time I spoke to him he was snippy...

It was my first morning off and I slept til 10am. The kids also had a curriculum day...and somehow I ended up driving them all over the place before heading to work...then picking them up on the way home....we were home by 6pm...on the drive home had a call from Michael, he was not happy that I was not resting, but rather driving not only our kids but their friends around.

We got home only to find no one home... Sent Michael a couple of messages, and tried to call, nothing. So I turned off my phone to charge it. And as I didn't want to get into an argument.

He had gone for a walk... To escape... He was sad...

- it was daffodil day

- he came home to an empty house

- is this what it would be like when I am gone

- he was very sad

- had no one but me to talk to about it

- fucking cancer

- I am going to die before him

- cancer in his face wherever he turns...

We talked..cried... . I can't believe how strong I was, I barely cried ... I was trying to be strong for him.

And the weekend was better...

Today is a new week.... Things were plodding along...had to go to a meeting at the end of the day...bleagh...so tired for meetings

And then, during my year 12 class I get a message about one of my students... She is a little mouse, so fragile...and tonight she is being told by her parents that they are both incredibly sick, and her father may be terminal...OMG... All I could think about after that was the poor kid...why are they saying anything now, she doesn't have long to go to finish school...

So clearly that was a trigger for me getting angry and grumpy at the meeting... I held my tongue as long as I could... But then I had to call a couple of people to task...sure I could have been more tactful...but I was brutally honest...pulled no punches... 

Yep, tired and having triggers pushed... I was a 2 year old throwing a tantrum...

Not professional... Whoops... 

But sometimes I just want to throw a massive tantrum and scream how unfair it is... My career has been taken away from me, my family is going to lose me, and I am sad and angry... I have so much more of my story to tell...

It all hurts....arghhh

And then I feel so sad for my young student who could be losing both parents...

I couldn't talk to Michael about it.... I was waiting for him to ask...he didn't... I don't want to burden him, he has enough on his plate... Making sure he is strong and healthy enough to be there for our kids.

Michael is planning to see the GP for a referral... I hope he does...he needs to talk to someone...

Next stage. In this journey

I guess it has been with trepidation that I have started to think about reducing the hours I work. Deep down I knew I had to, as I have been so very tired...but in my mind that meant I was giving in to f'n cancer by changing my hours, and working part time. As a teacher I hate taking days off, as it affects my students, this is something only other teachers truly understand.

So after getting a run around trying to find out what my options were in regards to mot losing money, but reducing hours, I finally set up a meeting with my union rep. Over these weeks I have been running a range of possible scenarios through in my head, how will it best work. What I came up with was working part time, but taking a day a week in sick leave...would it work? Could it work? I have 70 days sick leave up my sleeve...if I was to stop work now, they would be lost... If I was to reduce hours now it would affect my superannuation payout when I do decide to finish....

Union guy says yes...it is very do-able ... So I went straight on to the timetabler, so he can factor that in for term 4... Next time I see my oncologist I will get a certificate...and we will work it out.

I have also worked out what is making me so sleepy... Lyrica, which is used for nerve pain... I sending me to sleep... So not using it in the day...scary having micro sleeps as I drive home...

So very pleased to have a plan of attack...

And now to sleep...perchance to dream

Friday

Ahh the weekend... I made it.... There were times this week I did wonder.... Nearly falling asleep driving home is not good...so very weary. I stopped wearing the fentanyl patch last week, and figured I could live with the pain if I wasn't so tired.... It didn't seem to make much difference.... I seem to go through waves of tiredness to extreme tiredness.... I even started to fall asleep at the theatre last week... It was hard work to stay awake...and I wanted to stay awake, the production of Wicked was wonderful... Made better being there with a few of my favourite people...

So...the pain killers have made it more tricky to get the "movement" balance right...it seems to go from one extreme...where I put on a kilo each day... To the other, where I can't be far from a toilet...arghhhh. But the weight loss is slower....I try to get through the tiredness to get out on the walks in the evening, which should help... But not as often as I would like....

Sadly another of the support group passed away this week...this disease is seriously fucked up... She wasn't even 40. So many of the women are in their 30s with young children... Arghhhh.

I am getting to the point where I have to think about the next step...changing the hours I work...still full time...but it is getting hard, I am tired and grumpy, I get home and fall asleep....I rely on Michael to do most of the cooking  and cleaning.... I am so whacked...

Time for those decisions later...next term...after the year 12s finish...yes I keep putting it off...if I do something, cut back on hours, it means I admit I'm sick, and I am not going to get better.... But then how do I want to spend my last years? Working for the man with all his stresses, or creating beautiful memories for my children friends and family?

This weekend sees some memories about to be created with my wonderful sister down in Melbourne, and the family getting together....

Patch is on....

The tough decisions can wait, at least for this weekend.

Rest in peace angels.

Bleagh

Time for a vent... Turn away now if you want a happy smiley read... This is not that

I feel like shit...

Fuck cancer... It took another of the ABC girls today...we had a running commentary from her daughter of the last few days... It was special to be privvy to her thoughts on this part of the journey, but it really does bring about the sad reality of the end for us... No thoughts of being 99 and passing in my sleep of old age fighting fit ...just old...it does make me angry....

Today the pain and tiredness added to my anger... I was snippy with the students and had to pull myself into check a few times...it's not their fault I feel like this... Maybe I do need to change the amount I work, or even stop completely ... But then what...just wait to die?

Said things I probably shouldn't today... I have to find my inner peace and not let this get to me so much... The pain in my hip is increasing...well probably more my sacrum.. And in my forearm, further to the wrist than the initial cancer in that arm...

I have a morphine patch...25 micrograms an hour, ibuprofen SR, and 8 paracetamol 2x4 - 6 hrs and endone when I get home.. Have had two and it has only just knocked the edge off the pain.... Everything is annoying me...I just want to cry and sleep... I have to put on a brave face for the family... So this is my vent...

Take this in hand... Must try to meditate... Find my inner peace ...relax ...easier said than done

Winter lurgies

Lips have been dry for over a week...been getting very dry throat and mouth...massive night sweats..jitters...tingly lips...slight dizziness... Was putting it down to new meds, pushing through it, walking 3km each night...

The 2 weeks holidays were good to me, felt revived,caught up with family, got creative...did no school work..oops...LOL...but felt good, if the weather had been better I would have gone for a ride!

Then back to work... Totally broke me...so exhausted each day...PD on Monday was ok, then just got more and more tired...crashing for a snooze each day as soon as I got home. Thursday was a whole day excursion into the city with year 9s... I had planned it, so couldn't call in sick, the drive in was excruciating...I was falling asleep at the wheel...got to the station, at least I didn't have to walk far...but I could hardly stand. I was snappy and not in a good headspace...

http://instagram.com/p/qiEKP8jSWf/

Chocolate cake for brekky definitely helped! Well for a bit...

Finished off the day with parent teacher interviews... My oldest in yr 12 is at least one thing I don't have to worry about...he is doing so well...making me a proud mumma.

Friday, while in the shower I realised it would be dangerous for both me and other road users...then I tried to talk to the family....no voice at all... Called work, set up my classes, had my medication and breakfast and was back in bed by 8am...thinking I would read or wake in an hour or so....next time I saw the clock it was 3:55pm and I was still tired. Got out of bed, so the kids would see me up, maintain normality....zonked but stayed up til 9.30... Then bed

Then a little sad today as the others left for the track...but got over that and slept til midday. Endone and paracetamol with lemon, porridge and tea, while chilling on the couch! Great pain in my hips and sit bones...tired beyond belief...jittery...looking forward to getting back to bed. But Dexter has been looking after me!

Today has been a good day

Report from scans shows no progress... Yay..

Got to see my regular onc... Yay

Got lots of stuff to deal with the pain...Yay

So off to bed, and I think I will sleep well....

Changing from femara to aromasin

So hopefully we will stay on track....

I even think I remembered to ask all the questions... Like the femara thing, and pain management...

Yay...even went for a walk...

It is a good day

Interesting... I have had not much faith in my "locum" onc, as both times she has seen me about results she has been happy with the blood work, just gave me more pain meds, and lo and behold both times I have had new mets in my hip last year, and back to my hip and new to my sacrum this year.

I have found it hard to discuss things, as she clearly doesn't know me so well... today I bit the bullet to go back for a room appt...(rather than a quick catch up when I am in for denosumab next week,). I changed from tamoxifen to femara last year with the met dx...and apart from the denosumab am not on anything else...had 5 rads in 2013 and 10 lower does bigger area this year. So when I asked her what happens next (at the last denosumab shot) she brushed me off and said to make an appt in the room a couple of weeks after I finished my rads. 

So it has been doing my head in... but I made the call...she can't see me, would it be better to wait til my regular onc comes back in a couple of weeks... That is fine with me, as I am still working full time... and have holidays in a couple of weeks... but am not wanting a repeat of last terms hols where I had appointments every day. 

Guess I am wondering what is next.... 

Update

Well, this weekend I have missed out on a race meeting...due to being tired, and having a big meeting next weekend, so... Taking it easy.

Last week was rads every day... And work, and extra driving... Yes I know I am doing too much... But... Ok I have no excuse...so relaxing this weekend.

Pain has still been an issue... I ended up getting some fentanyl patches which I used last weekend to see me through the field of women... And took it off Sunday night before driving around. My beautiful sister was down from Queensland, and she drove me around on Friday, then we trained it and Michael drove over the weekend.

Wednesday was an extra long work day... Waking with a migraine did not help... So I had Panadol osteo 6 hourly and ibuprofen 8 hourly, got it into the background a bit.... It was the Open night at school, so I eventually went home after 9pm and popped a patch on and had an endone as well... 

Thursday I couldn't believe I woke up with an even bigger migraine...this time including nausea and spewing... Arghhh. Hoping it is the tension headaches we put the last lot down to....it hung around most of the day... I did take Thursday off, and Michael drove me around, got some nurofen migraine stuff and maxolan to reduce nausea... It subsided, I slept most of the day... 

Saw the breast surgeon as the nurse wanted me to come back after I was put on antibiotics when the stitches were taken out... Still a bit red and achy around the under arm, but he was happy it was heading in the right direction.

In the evening was the long awaited Talent Quest... With my son in the rafters on the lights and my lovely daughter part of a dance team... Brilliant night, glad I had the sleep.

Friday, woke with the migraine again... Can't believe this... But my neck is super stiff, so continued with the analgesics ... It subsided a bit... Did the work thing, then home to endone.

Over the weekend I can feel the migraine in the background, but not full on... Drinking lots, having green tea, taking it easy, still getting out for a walk. The pain is still there in my hips... This is getting annoying... I see the rads onc tomorrow... And have my last rads session....

Tired, not so emotional, just wanting to feel better... The patch is good, I feel mentally focused, more so than with the endone, but needing the endone for the ongoing hip pain, particularly when lying down, so sleep is a bit of an issue! 

Well on we go...

Field of Women

An emotional event. I was invited with a bunch of other people to be available for media comment. No one spoke to me specifically,  but it was great to be a part of such an amazing event. Hope funds for a cure are raised quickly.

Week 1 of Rads done

So, once I got the call from ROV it was full steam ahead with planning CT and straight into the radiation treatment. 10 days starting last Tuesday.. Had Friday off work to rest and relax.
Driving home after day 1 Rads I was in a fair bit of pain... Weird, but called a flare up...which is good means the Rads are hitting the right spots.
So today is day onc day, denosumab, and just waiting to see onc now...hmmm

nip tuck... slice drain

So.... no progress with the bone rads... but today was the day to remove the lump the surgeon discovered during the physical exam with the mammogram stuff... I would have preferred to be totally out to it, but at least there was some numbness so most of the poking and prodding was more annoying than painful. The end result was he liked the look of it, and was pretty certain it was hardened fat rather than anything nasty. Stitched me up, popped in a drain which will be taken out tomorrow.. I find out the results on Monday...and stitches out on May 9th.

Looking ok, feeling ok... just draining into the gauze so as to prevent any infections.. Tomorrow I should hear from my radiation onc as to what the plan is there... She is lovely... I did hear that my onc had a heart attack in the carpark of the hospital... and is cutting back on his work... as he should... so hoping the break he is having will bring him some good health again...

Dumb Stuff People Say to People With Metastatic Breast Cancer

Results are in.... I think

And what the result are is leaving me in limbo a bit...Well to say I don't know what the bone scan revealed is an understatement.... The mammo and ultrasound were both clear, however the physical exam on Monday revealed a painful lump under my scar area... Which he want to remove ASAP, after the bone scan results are in... Hmmmmm. This will be removed under a local.... This scares me more than a general... I would rather not know what is going on.....

Went into day oncology and was sent to the bed area... Nerves went on higher alert.... Is my management changing from just the jab every 4 weeks.... Why do I have to lie down? Panic mode, or just a full house?.... Seems it was misread info... Phew...

So get the jab... Then wait to see the locum onc... Where did she go???

Soooo finally... And the results??? Ohhh yeah there seems to be something going on... Definite issues with right hip ball joint and top of left hip, and sacrum. Well they didn't compare the scans to older scans... So ummm... Yeah the hips have been irradiated last year, but the sacrum.... Yep... That is new pain, and explains the nerve pain down the legs.

Elbow pain, probably tendinitis, as expected... It was hard to get, as it was the arm the radiation juice went into...LOL 

So I guess that means it has progressed... I am trying to play it down, and convince family and friends who know I was having a bone scan that it's all good, and just getting more radiation for pain management....

It at least means I wasn't imagining the pain... But bugger....

I did get offered morphine patches... Or oxy contin ... But you know, I will just live with it.... That whole quality of life... Not wanting to be fuzzier than I already am... And I can't imagine I would be able to drive with that....

So for now it's 2 Panadol osteo 3 times a day, 2 ibuprofen 3 times a day and endone, once I am at home.... So still only taking one at a time, but every 4 hours.... Still feel pain, but still feel able to function.

Want to do Bikram, but soooo tired....

For now.... At paintball celebrating my oldest child's 18th birthday....hoping to see many more milestones in their lives!

And on it goes

So, last Thursday I was injected with radioactive isotopes at 8.30am at Cabrini, went back at 1.30pm to be put through the scanner. The scanner stays put, but the slide I lie on moves through the machine... I was in there til around 4pm... I get my results tomorrow...

Not having a good feeling. As the doctor came in who gives the report, and they did my ribs and extra hip/pelvis ones... As well as my left elbow...hmmm

On a better note, my mammo and ultrasound was clear. However, he found a painful lump just under my scar that he wants to remove with local anaesthetic... Yikes...but will make that appointment after I find out tomorrow's results...

That time of the year...

Hmmm, April first 4 years ago I got the news that was to change my life, and that of my family as well. I found out how small my real posse was, and rely much more on my inner strength and my family.
April 1, 2 years ago my dad passed away from his battle with melanoma. Although we had made our peace after not speaking for many years it was frustrating to have to clean up his estate although most of that fell to my brother. I know I don't want to leave that kind of mess for my family...

So April is a time of testing... Monday was my mammogram, Tuesday was the skin check, Thursday is a bonescan scan to check on the increased pain....next week back to Cabrini for denosumab, so today is also blood test, with a queue a mile long.

So, with the mammo they take the breast, put it on the cold metal plate, with the xray plate underneath and the plastic shelf squishes the boob as flat at possible. That is the pic of my boob in the background. They do a top squish and a side squish... When I told the mammographer that the 7 invasive tumours were not seen on on the mammo or ultrasound in 2010, not even with the stereo core biopsy, it was only when the breast was removed....she was a bit taken aback...

Then the ultrasound... Jell everywhere, the sonographer feels around the scar, the lymph nodes (both where they were under my right arm....just in case, as well as around the left arm, as well as the breast...not invasive or painful, just confusing to try and interpret the fuzz on the screen...

So.... The blood test...my veins are starting to show some wear and tear, and the young girl who tried to take my blood from my elbow vein was struggling.... But this time I spoke up before fainting! And the more experienced vampire tried....this time from my hand...didn't get much blood...but enough for the FBE and EUC tests. And now I have a big ouchie bruise on my wrist bone.

Tomorrow the bone scan.

ABC forum at.QVWC

On the train when bed would be a preferred option, but off to the BreaCan forum on Advanced Cancer...

The role of nutrition in cancer management

Dr Maree Brinkman

Will be podcast on the BreaCan website

Contribution of diet related cancer ranges for 10/70 % average is 35%

World cancer research fund

Http://www.dietandcancerreport.org/

Low gi is better

Cancer cells love sugar

Non starchy vegies are good for protection...leafy greens

Processed meats not good...as well as high salt have nitrites and nitrates

Healthy weight range

Try to stay between healthy BMI

Exercise physiologist

Fresh is best, frozen is good alternative as all the goodness is snap frozen

Eat seasonally

Avoid/limit alcohol - as it affects metabolism of folate as well as other issues

Keep up fluids

Vegies...mix up colours, 5 serves, limit starchy vegies 1/2 dinner plate

Fruit...2 serves ...keep in moderation

Grains 4-6 serves 

Proteins

2.5 serves per day

1/4 of the dinner plate 

Tofu...caution with hormone sensitive ...including soy milk

Dairy - calcium rich foods

2.5 - 4 

4 serves for post menopausal

Sardines, salmon, leafy greens

Dietary fats

Treatments

Surgery add protein

Chemo

Radiation

Riboflavin helps with mouth sores and ulcers

Coloxyl and senna

Soluble fibre

Psyllium husks

Bloating and discomfort...

Avoid drinking large amounts of water and hour before and half an hour after a meal

B1 and B12 good for improving tingling and numbness

Bleeding...would that also be bruising? Forgot to ask

Dietary management and suggestions

Fluids - foods with high fluid

Variety

Supplements...if it is strong enough to have an effect it has the potential to cause harm

Glutamine and green tea... Can cause issues as can...

Beta carotene vitamin e and selenium

Extreme diets can throw out the balance

Canceraustralia.gov.au

Www.cancervic.org.au

Nlm.nih.gov

Cancerresearchuk.org

Cancer.org

Anti oxidants can inhibit the effect of chemo

In Moorabin

Check on google

Get referral from GP

Shrinking the worries

The art form of living with advanced cancer

Life does not fit Ito a PowerPoint text box

Life is a mystery

Amma

"How to stop being a zombie and really start living"

The power of language

Entirely understandable to and "normal" that there are worries fears and concerns

It's how we manage them that can make a big difference to our lives

Name your worries

Identify what is most worrying for you helps you to target your attention

Key care givers need to know our priorities

Process to help with creating steps to manage an issue

Threatening and disabling

If a worry feels unmanageable or overwhelming

->

Try to work out what you would need to bring it into a more manageable shape...

Eg: make smaller steps

Help/resources

Identify the room for growth and change

Understanding

->

Enabling and motivating

Breaking the worry down into parts that you can tackle

Finding the help you need to do those things

Working out what comforts/reassures/encourages

Foreground background

What things bring cancer to the foreground

• Pain
• Appointments
• 
  

What things help you place it in the background

• Watch a movie
• Read 
• Go or walk
• Meditate
• Make and do
• 
  

Being able to operate the switch between the two

Making friends with uncertainty

How can we embrace uncertainty and still find equanimity

• The shallow "I'm good" responses

Living with mortality

• This is life

Coping with the "what ifs" and the "possibles" that can assume power

• What coping mechanisms

Finding anchors that keep us steady

• Hugs
• Values
• Growth
• Simplify life
• 
  

Learning to be present

Not dwelling in the future fear or dwelling in the past

• Enjoy the present
• Meditate
• Breathe

Coming into just this moment

Cultivating calm awareness

• This can be an art form
• Don't sweat the mll stuff, when you can

Hope is different to denial

• Daring to hope

   We can hope, we have to hope

• We can hope or things each day
• Look at assumptions of what is and isn't possible in terms of your dreams and aspirations

Verbalise what you want to do, and work towards doing it

• Find purpose and meaning within life as it is now

Making the most of he things you have to do

• The "script" hope writes is very different to the script "fear" writes...

Fear script can be toxic...dare to hope for a brighter script

Put it out there

Don't be self effacing... Just share and tell others what you need

Strategies to deal with stress can be

Defensive

My work short term, but really not helpful or healthy 

Drinking

Smoking

Aggression

Shouting

Assertive

Effective and heathy options 

Exercise

Works longer term

Meditation

Strategies to cope with fears/worries/anxieties

• What are you doing that works?
• What do you need help with?

Quick reference strategy guide

• Awareness check ....breathe in love, breathe out fear
• Reality check test the worry with a trusted friend
• Flip the coin
• Reframe 
• Time frame

Bring compassion to yourself, bring back the time to achievable positives 

• Stepping stones

Break it own to manageable chunks

• Say it out loud

The worry, the fear, the dream... Don't ave to be able to fix it

• Role reversal
• Embrace your fear..

. Like talking to a fearful child...yourself...

• Engage support...identify strengths of team members
• Validate your efforts

Complex situation...each person does it differently

I am a swan....serene on the surface, paddling like crazy to stay afloat!

• Find time to rest
• Celebrate the present

Exercise and secondary breast cancer

Prevailing attitude, wrap in cotton wool

Exercise helps during treatment

A little more care is needed when having secondary cancer

Regular exercise 30 minutes 5 x a week

FATIGUE most prevalent and distressing symptom

Managing fatigue

Exercise...improves anxiety levels....anxiety can increase fatigue through stress

Different activities work...walking...dancing...bird watching..lol...dancing in the nude!

Exercise, helps you feel better

Moderate activity 3-5 hours when you can

Walking...highly recommended

Tai chi, qi gong and yoga

Stretching opens the muscles and helps the lymphatic system

Resistance exercises

Post treatment

Light weights more reps

Boosts bone strength

Resistance bands

Seated exercise effective for upper body

Meditation - exercise for the mind

Calm the mind and relax the body

Bone mets

Bone weakening risk of fracture

Weight bearing -walking -bands

Avoid high impact activities such as jogging

Lung mets

Breathlessness coughing pain

Avoid cold or very dry conditions...warm water program's are best

Pursed lip breathing reduces air pressure

Easier for lungs to expand and contract

Brain mets

Balance probs possible, be selective to avoid risk.

Exercise bike

Exercise with a friend

Anaemia

Tire easily

Bloods reduced capacity to carry oxygen

Water

Warm to hot - Hydrotherapy benefits

Cool to cold - invigorates and stimulates

Exercising in the pool

• Whole body

YWCA ENCORE 8 week land and pool program

Waves warm water exercise program, arthritis Victoria

Hydrotherapy

Aim to be physically active

Art therapy....

Started with the positives...what I wnt to focus on- being a strong role model...loving my family, following the journey, living to be old, enjoying the now

I found it hard to look at the negatives... Death, a life cut short, leaving my story unfinished ...the final curtain

We finished with sharing positive affirmations with each other...

A very powerful session... Teary..harder than I thought it would be...and deep...

Another day another track

Writing this in the little hut for marshals listening to the much quieter F1 cars. Adelaide was brilliant,  had a wonderful drive home...and now back into it.
The body is holding up pretty well, a few aches...elbow is a new one...and hips are not really improving... am a bit over panicking at each new pain, but I guess that is my new normal!
Just having a giggle watching the photographers as they check each pic they take...ahh digital.

It's all about living

Well, it's been a while. New phone, new year, and new and improved outlook.
So the onc. is very happy with progress.tumour markers are down and stable.
Finally able to start thinking longer term...it's a good feeling.
One of the first things we pencilled in when I got the news is doing the clipsal 500.,.at that stage I thought it may be my motorsport swansong. But now I reckon I will have a few more. We are even looking at doing the Bathurst 12 hour...timing is the thing.
Well I am at 8.2 and having a blast,  great team, good action, and I am doing flags first time I have really worked my arm, seems to be holding up ok.
4 flaggies today means a nice break!
Getting back into fitness mapping walks, when my phone cooperates.