Angels in my heart

Just after I was diagnosed with the brand new liver met... We had a weekend away...when I say we, a group of 24 stage IV breast cancer girls who had met on a facebook support group got together for an amazing few days down on the Peninsula. We had 3 villas, with 6 - 10 in each. I shared a room with an awesome chick from FNQ, and the others in our villa were pretty fabulous too. Well ok everyone was great, but I really enjoyed going to bed early, getting up and chatting in PJs...getting breakfast with a pocket full of pills to take as well... Plenty of laughs, chats, tears and sharing how we got to where we are....

Sadly today we lost the second member of our group of special friends. It was always going to be tricky, after all we all know what our short term prognosis is...that there is no long term prognosis... Would I change getting to know these amazing ladies so that I don't have to shed a few tears... Definitely not!! After all, no one gets out of here alive, why would I give up on living and enjoying life with friends I have and will make, for fear of losing them first. 

It is sad, but I cherish the laughs we had, the wonderful people I got to know on a different level to most people... Love you lots Corinna and Kellie, may you shine brightly with the stars.

Scanxiety

Ahhh scanxiety at its best! Last month when I had my denosumab/xgeva shot I had two weeks of extreme bone pain. it was a different to normal pain that just about knocked me out! I was not even able to drink without feeling sick for days after. I was much more nauseous, and returned to regularly taking maxolon or ondensatron (sp?) 

However, as I was heading towards 8 days off work on long service leave to play with race cars I tried to ignore it... just scoffing down endone each evening.

By the time I was on leave the pain was manageable even with the long days trackside, although sleep was hard (most of my pain is in my hips/pelvis). Alcohol was still not good, and I preferred to just drink water, after having felt seedy for way longer than I should have after a couple of after race drinks.

First day back from leave was also my next denosumab/xgeva shot, and I detailed the increased pain. I see my onc each injection day as I have it at Cabrinin Day Oncology. So he has upped my fentanyl patch and ordered bone and CT scans which I had yesterday.

Curiously the scan day began normally, I had the CT first, then went and had the nuclear med injected into the canula left in my arm. They didn't say much with the CT, but then neither did I. Everything moved smoothly. I have clearly lost weight as the attractive gown closed easily this year (15kgs lighter)

My Friday was supposed to be wonderful, spending time with my sister who has driven down from Queensland for a week, we had planned a day of manicures and fun... instead she drove me back to the afternoon session for the bone scan!

I went to mum's for lunch with her and sister (we had planned a much different day) then returned for my bone scan. There were obviously things that they saw... and by the time my head was out of the first one and I could see the screen, I knew the areas in my pelvis etc were showing lots of lights. They also did extra scans of my chest and then I went in for a 3D one, detailed bone scan with overlaid CT "to try and get to the bottom of the lower back/pelvis pain".

It ended up with the doctor coming out to see me, and say that she was happy that it was mostly stable, although there were still a few spots she wanted to investigate and compare to the last one...

This has left me in a very confused state... my sister had accompanied me for the first time... she heard stable and was over the moon... I wondered why the doctor was telling me this... what weren't they telling me? did they want me to relax over the weekend and not worry...

Ahhhhhh as I said initially scanxiety (which my sister was impressed was even a word....LOL) not happy regardless of the result... and even with a stronger patch... I have been teary at work and in heaps of pain... arghhhhh... so now... as the pain is breaking through again, off for more endone, panadol osteo and sleep.

Good days....

Good days.... It's really nice to string a few together...last weekend I was sector 8, leading my little team on what turned out to be  a very quiet V8 Supercars event!
Couldn't manage the 3 days, but 2 worked well for me...still crazy tired though!
Today I finally get a chance to put finger to touchscreen and tap out some thoughts!
Sitting outside the kids school, waiting for Will to finish his final VCE exam.
They are looking after me at school too, which is nice..so getting time to finish off things.
And the sun is shining, it's a beautiful day.

Milestone....going strong

October 3rd....I turned 50...wow...at the start of the year I wanted a big 50th bash....but now that seemed too much effort, and I preferred to spend time with those close to me.

Still just a number...I have been busy celebrating life. 

An evening in town to see The Graduate with my wonderful man, also celebrating 25 years marriage.

Got my motorbike licence at last, no more L plates yay!

Back at work, and plodding away, it's a long term, and I'm already tired!

Blood test yesterday, xgeva next week... I am a bit concerned with my pain...particularly in my hip/lower back, but I have endone, and am taking that in the evenings, which gives me enough pain relief to go for a walk with Michael and Dexter. I love this time together, I love creating wonderful memories together.

I have been taking krill oil, and Wow, the bone and arthritis pain has hugely diminished, so now I can isolate my pain to more muscular. Probably from the rads! Although across my lower back are some tender spots. So now I can't work out if my muscle aches are purely from the rads, or exacerbated by the walks, a bit of both or?

So carrying on......