Life

Ahhh like life, a ball if yarn can be long or short, tangled or smooth, thick or thin, or more likely a combination... Sometimes you wonder how you will ever get it untangled, and then, by the end of it, something beautiful has been created.

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The double edged sword!

When I had chemo in 2010, I put on so much weight, with the dexmethasone and chemo and feeling sad and sorry for myself...I also had swelling of my hands, and could no longer wear my wedding ring... Which was upsetting, but other things were going on... And so for the next 5 years my hands were without rings. Every now and then I would try it on, usually when going somewhere special and glamming up for the night... But to no avail, not even able to get it over my knuckles. Then if I did, it was mighty uncomfortable.

Since last October I have been making a concerted effort to lose weight through exercise and portion control. I have now lost around 15kilos since my heaviest of 110kgs. (I may well have gotten heavier, but I was too sad to look). I got a garmin Vivofit for my birthday, and it was on and happening. I was walking lots and feeling healthy!

Then in April the weight was dropping off, and I got the news of the liver met making itself at home... Was the weightloss from my efforts or a side product of liver mets? Still the weight is falling... Hubby decides to enjoy a bit of chocolate each evening... and knowing that is my weakness I am not able to say no. So I wonder if the weightloss will stop... After all since having children I only have to look at chocolate to put back on anything I managed to lose...hmmmmm double edged sword.

So, now heading into the end of the third week of this lurgy, which has stopped me from doing much of anything, I felt sure the weightloss will stop... Specially with the extra evening chocolate treats!!

But the scales are disagreeing, and in fact for the first time in about 10 years or more the numbers are 90.5kg. No sure what is contributing...and I feel it could be a bit of everything... IUD out, metabolism back on track, portion control, liver mets, Xeloda side effects. On the positive side my nails are getting long and strong, they have been a bit of an indicator as to my inside health, tending to flake and break whenever things are going badly inside... 

So today, still a bleagh day lurgy wise... Looking at my chest of drawers, I thought I would try on my wedding ring... And voila, it fitted, I have been wearing it all day, and I don't even notice it... Yay.

So sick bleagh

I have been so healthy since my stage IV dx that getting sick has hit me hard. At least I can get better from this bit of sick.
I seem to have made it through the worst.  Two weeks with no voice now, chest xray came back clear, blood test showed low neutrophils,  well if she had listened to me, or checked recent blood work she would know they were actually higher than the had been.
A week on antibiotics,  a week off work and a week out on the couch during my holidays. Still coughing up a rattly lung...but not sleeping 24/7. Started an off week from Xeloda last Thursday so no doubt that is helping with energy levels too.
Back for xgeva shot on Tuesday, and joy, more blood work. Hopefully will get some other stuff done too. I have been studying, doing app design and train the trainer units with Adobe. Hoping next week will be healthier. And weight will stabilise.

Keeping fit

Today I shuffled most of the 5km Parkrun.. Only walking 2 x 5 minute breaks in the 50 minutes or so it took. Pretty chuffed with that improvement.

Angels in my heart

Just after I was diagnosed with the brand new liver met... We had a weekend away...when I say we, a group of 24 stage IV breast cancer girls who had met on a facebook support group got together for an amazing few days down on the Peninsula. We had 3 villas, with 6 - 10 in each. I shared a room with an awesome chick from FNQ, and the others in our villa were pretty fabulous too. Well ok everyone was great, but I really enjoyed going to bed early, getting up and chatting in PJs...getting breakfast with a pocket full of pills to take as well... Plenty of laughs, chats, tears and sharing how we got to where we are....

Sadly today we lost the second member of our group of special friends. It was always going to be tricky, after all we all know what our short term prognosis is...that there is no long term prognosis... Would I change getting to know these amazing ladies so that I don't have to shed a few tears... Definitely not!! After all, no one gets out of here alive, why would I give up on living and enjoying life with friends I have and will make, for fear of losing them first. 

It is sad, but I cherish the laughs we had, the wonderful people I got to know on a different level to most people... Love you lots Corinna and Kellie, may you shine brightly with the stars.

The story continues...

I often wonder if anyone actually reads my ramblings. Well trying to put it the claim for my prosthesis here at Medicare.  One of the big ones in the southeast burbs, very multicultural which I love. Someone clearly thought it would be a good idea to combine Centrelink and Medicare, but for those if us with immune issues it just means more germs..screaming children,  hacking coughs and long frustrating waits.
I love all the signs around the place asking phones to be turned off, and I was going to leave mine in my bag. As I looked around nearly every one is talking or tapping on their phones. So meh, so will I!
Took a while, finally got processed, then off again to get crutches for the boy.

Passing and failing

Arghhhhhh

A month since starting Xeloda, 4 tabs , 14 days on 7 days off.

Feeling incredibly tired, sleepy, yet not able to sleep, but when I do I am a log.

Only side affects have been increased nausea and the start of mouth ulcers.

But when I went in for my xgeva / denosumub shot yesterday I found out I had "failed my bloods" my white blood cells and neutrophils were both lower than they should be.

Onc ordered an urgent blood test to see is they had fallen further, and he wasn't happy. So reducing to 3 a day, and shortening the cycle I am on....

As I sit here....in my year 9 class all I can hear is snuffling.... Argh... 

Germs everywhere, wearing gloves and wiping with antibacterial wipes.