Plan of attack

Well I now have a plan of attack.... The onc was confused about the mets showing on the one scan I my hips, as I had a CT scan late last year on chest abdo and pelvis, and it showed no evidence of anything nasty...so he re-checked the bone scans....and agreed there was something there...but he has many patients who live long lives....even to 25 years...with bone mets...we just have to make sure it spreads no further.
He was concerned about the pain... So prescribed some endone, hehehe he had to call up to get authorisation as it's a narcotic....will see how we go with that, as the 6 hourly Panadol Osteo was barely touching the pain...although I had a couple of nurofen plus when I got home and that seems to be doing the trick at the moment. Will take some endone before bed.

Stopping Tamoxifen and starting Femara, which is an aromatase inhibitor;
Aromatase inhibitors are a class of drugs used in the treatment of breast cancer and ovarian cancer in postmenopausal women. AIs may also be used off-label to treat or prevent gynaecomastia in men. Aromatase is the enzyme that synthesizes estrogen. Wikipedia
I didn't think I was post menopausal....ahhh well... I am in a good place in my head at least!

And the Rads Onc will get back to me tomorrow with sorting out when we start radiation to the affected areas. The radiation is to reduce pain...the pain reduction is a big focus.... I guess that is all a part of maintaining quality of life... Which is the main part of staying alive and fighting this shit!

The other part of my treatment is the Denosumab, which is like spakfilla for the bones I guess..
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/breastcancer/detailedguide/breast-cancer-treating-denosumab
This will be injected monthly...ahhh fun fun. Monthly trips to Cabrini begin on Thursday this week... I want to get started ASAP.

So that all made sense, it was what I was expecting...then home for the hardest part...telling the kids.
My babies made it easy for me...they are so grown up and mature...they took it in their stride... 
I focused on the fact that I would be getting treatment to help manage my pain, and it is a long term 
thing. 
I think keeping the discussions light, and the communication open is very important. We also mentioned letting school know, and that they may like to talk to a friend or counsellor.
So now I am on the path to kicking this bastard to the kerb...and aim for remission.

Connections up and down

You really start to rely on this tech stuff.... So when the modem is offline...panic fills the house....LOL...
Well I have helped my wonderful hubby to get some control, and start to know what to do when the tech stops working.... I am the tech nerd/geek in the house...apart from the kids...so I guided him in what needed to be done...ring the ISP...and then I went to Pilates.
He was on the phone with the tech when I got back...had been for an hour...but yeehaa we are reconnected....they still don't know what is causing the issues...ISP blames phone company and vice versa.
These are the little things I do that will be missed, so I am glad he has taken care of it. I have taught him to fish...instead of catching fish for him...

It's good when silly little things block all other thoughts....everything seems to ache, and I'm tired....have a long day at work tomorrow....but a half day on Friday... I am taking Panadol Osteo for the aches in my arm....every time I lift something it aches...so am quickly training myself to use my left arm. Hips are stiff, but not the degree of pain the arm is.... Hmmmmm Monday Monday

Sinking in

I am feeling remarkably calm...angry that I have been dealt this hand, and teary when I think about not being there for my beautiful children at their events down the track...weddings, babies...but then hmmm calm, just getting on with it to ensure my story has a few more chapters.
Sitting in Melbourne,'s magnificent autumn sunshine makes everything fade away, and not real...I guess it will sink in more, when I see the onc in a week.

Woman on a mission

So much to do.....unknown but limited time....
Last year I had to clean up my dad's place after he passed away... There was so much stuff... He could have sorted before he went... He had melanoma....but had over two years....knowing he was on a limited timeframe.... I don't want to leave my mess...and I am not a tidy person...for my loved ones...
So am starting wiht my wardrobe....being totally ruthless...hahaha...if it is not perfect, doesn't fit out it goes...
Yesterday I had a beer or many....first drink since I was told...pretty happy about that..as I need a clear head to get through this...but it was a good day to talk openly and frankly with Michael... His head is spinning just as much...worrying about being left with 3 kids, and his own grief of losing a soulmate...my bit is easy...I just go to sleep...he has to pick up the pieces. So I need to make it as easy for him as I can... He is my rock!

Woman on a Mission

It’s time for me to make a move

And I know what i gotta do

Coz I got everything to prove

I got a plan I’m sticking to

…

The word is that I’m over doubt

But I don’t let it get me down

I ain’t nobody’s push around

If they could only see me now

There’s only one thing on my mind

And I'm running out of time

I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Nothing can stop me, I’m stronger than ever

I wanna see this through

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

I'm gonna lay it on the line

I won't give up without a fight

Coz I can see the finish line

Won't stop till I make you mine

To read the writing on the wall 

I'm ready here and standing tall

So people think they know it all

So I guess I'll have to show them all

There’s only one thing on my mind

And I'm running out of time

I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Nothing can stop me, I’m stronger than ever

I wanna see this through

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

There’s only one thing on my mind

And I'm running out of time

I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Nothing can stop me, I’m stronger than ever

I wanna see this through

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

I'm gonna lay it on the line

I won't give up without a fight

Coz I can see the finish line

Won't stop till I make you mine

To read the writing on the wall 

I'm ready here and standing tall

So people think they know it all

So I guess I'll have to show them all

There’s only one thing on my mind

And I'm running out of time

I'm coming through so get out of the way

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Nothing can stop me, I’m stronger than ever

I wanna see this through

I am a woman on a mission, woah

Whatever it takes I will do what I gotta do

Bugger

 I did just want 2010 to just go away and be a bad dream memory
2011 was incredibly tiring... the long drive, playing pick up where I left off... running senior classes and having a leadership position...crazy... but I worked through it... working full time...
2012... energy levels slowly increased, started zumba and then pilates again and weights and cardio express session... and later in the year Bikram yoga (the hot one... I love it).Starting to feel fitter and healthier... more energy... tired and sore, which I put down to the amount of exercise... Did the Pink Triathlon in 2012 and 2013... as well as the Mothers Day Classic in 2012...
Had a new boss... gave me hell....arghhhh tried to leave but couldn't find anything...
Other things were going well... then I had my six monthly blood test...and Onc check... hmmmm tumour markers are up... any pains? Well... whole body aches... but I put that down to Tamoxifen and exercise. So off for a CT scan, chest and abdo... all good. Pelvic ultrasound... all good...colonoscopy (overdue) removed a polyp, but all good.... apparently I am an enigma... the bloods keep showing raised markers...
Had my mammogram in April 2013... and mentioned the raised t-markers, and that there was some pain in my forearm... so surgeon sent me off for a bone scan. But see if you can hurry it, as I am going away for 2 weeks he says...
Well there started the fun... got into Monash, had the scans... was the same as the bone scan I had in 2010, so thought nothing of it... Get home... message from Radiology... oops forgot to scan the sore arm... can I go to Berwick tomorrow... sure... off I go again... at least there was still enough radiation in my body so I didn't have to do that again..
So scans just of my arms... questions...have I ever had a broken arm... nope...ahh ok... wait outside... next someone else is ushering me in for x-rays... this is where I know what is coming.
The tech hands over the films, and gives me "that" look, and arghhhhh 'wishes me luck'.... I know then before even opening the films what is coming...
well... I missed the Doctor before he left... so have been waiting to find out for 2 weeks... well to confirm what I suspected... and what was causing my t markers to be up.... my self diagnosis from the bone scan was pretty spot on... bone mets...
I knew it would come back, the whole node involvement thing... but I thought I would get more than 2 1/2 years before having to put my big girl panties back on!!!

Funny thing is the pain in my arm, which I finally mentioned to my surgeon at the last mammogram check has been there for a while, but as I have been so active, with muscle soreness from exercise and weights I was ignoring it as just sore muscles... but it's in my forearm, with a couple in my pelvis as well...
Just a bit numb.... as I went off to claim my medicare stuff I was walking through the shopping centre thinking "dead man walking" I know morose sense of humour... but I am not ready for my story to end...I have so much I want to do... I have my 3 babies...(ok 2 of them are now over 6 ft, but still my babies..) I want to be a part of their stories for a long time to come yet.

the black spots on my hands are arthritis...

So...the little black mark that is bone mets, in my right arm.

My arm has had pain... but not so much my pelvis... which is where the other two spots are... haven't mentioned these ones to DH yet...

So.... here we go for round 2... apparently being in the bones is better than in the organs... but I had hoped to have more than 3 years before this shit came back.....

Pulling on the big girl panties... and going to fight this one hard...

It's been a while

Was hoping this would all just be a fading memory... But little things keep triggering memories and it never seems to end.
Watching a doco on Gettysburg this evening I was reminded of the strength I had to gather around myself to get through treatment.... At the time I thought ...hmmm I know what the soldiers going "over the top" in WW1 felt... It was just head down...get on with it, and if we are lucky see you at the end.... I realise now that is what bravery is... Not saying I am brave but have had to go through some scary shit...not the first, won't be the last... Like many soldiers....(that's where the Gettysburg reference comes from)
So for those coming after me, and sadly travelling this path... No it's not fun, but sometimes you can find happiness and laughter in any situation...laugh, enjoy life...be strong, you do have it in you to do this...go through the treatment and fight this bastard thing... All of us have different results, different resolve and different ways of dealing with it.... Mine was as I said...just getting on with it, getting it over with....
Is it over?
I wish...it seems to be nagging me... A stressful year at work...was this a trigger? My last two blood tests (April and November) have shown high tumour markers...grrrrrrr... So I had another CT scan, which showed nothing...good good.... But still nagging in my mind...where will the fucker show up next?
But you know what... This is where the brave in me has to really step up... And get on with living life. I am doing just that!
Loving my work....getting my motorcycle licence... Doing triathlons... getting fit....Celebrating life.
Finding the inner strength. Having a positive outlook.... It may not medically have an effect, but it makes the NOW I live in much more enjoyable

Getting on with life

Well I haven't been very good at this.... but you know what.... just reading over my last few posts over a year on.... and I really don't remember a lot of it....

After I finished the chemo I went back to work... and then started the rads..

I thought that was going to be the easy part... but lo and behold it was far from that.... can I say Chemo was easier...less painful ....the rads took a while for the burn to show, but of course the weather being humid didn't help.

The rads people were great, and the nurses helped with the dressing... but it got to the stage where sheets of skin were just falling off.

I stopped work again in December...and finished rads the week of Christmas 2010. Wrapped in plastic....the skin started to heal as soon as the burning was stopped...

On New Year's Eve I went and got my prothesis fitted...so I started the new year with a new booby...yay

And so we start 2011...bound to be a better year... has to be...

Back at work fulltime, I took some Long Service Leave in March, to have a break where I was not sick or healing...and have some time to develop some energy to be back at work....

An exhausting year... my blood tests in Jan and mid year have been ok...I am due to go back to see breast surgeon...well overdue now... must get around to making an appointment!! I had my blood test today, and will see the onc on Tuesday next week...

I am a little on edge about it.... but you know what... I have been getting on top of things... my classes have done ok... and I am very tired... but still going...

Already a year past chemo, and it feels like it was a bad dream... and now... it's time for sleep again