Was hoping this would all just be a fading memory... But little things keep triggering memories and it never seems to end.
Watching a doco on Gettysburg this evening I was reminded of the strength I had to gather around myself to get through treatment.... At the time I thought ...hmmm I know what the soldiers going "over the top" in WW1 felt... It was just head down...get on with it, and if we are lucky see you at the end.... I realise now that is what bravery is... Not saying I am brave but have had to go through some scary shit...not the first, won't be the last... Like many soldiers....(that's where the Gettysburg reference comes from)
So for those coming after me, and sadly travelling this path... No it's not fun, but sometimes you can find happiness and laughter in any situation...laugh, enjoy life...be strong, you do have it in you to do this...go through the treatment and fight this bastard thing... All of us have different results, different resolve and different ways of dealing with it.... Mine was as I said...just getting on with it, getting it over with....
Is it over?
I wish...it seems to be nagging me... A stressful year at work...was this a trigger? My last two blood tests (April and November) have shown high tumour markers...grrrrrrr... So I had another CT scan, which showed nothing...good good.... But still nagging in my mind...where will the fucker show up next?
But you know what... This is where the brave in me has to really step up... And get on with living life. I am doing just that!
Loving my work....getting my motorcycle licence... Doing triathlons... getting fit....Celebrating life.
Finding the inner strength. Having a positive outlook.... It may not medically have an effect, but it makes the NOW I live in much more enjoyable
